No, this time, Louis Helmburg III, a former catcher on the Marshall University baseball team has decided to sue his brothers at Alpha Tau Omega fraternity (isn’t that the one that Bluto and D-Day pledged?) after “a fellow fraternity member allegedly shot a bottle rocket out of his anus.” You can’t make this stuff folks.

In a bold legal strategy, Helmburg’s lawyers laid out their case rather succinctly in their written lawsuit, with “Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus.”

The most important part of this lawsuit (aside from the details about fireworks and body parts) is that Helmburg is claiming his injuries were suffered mostly as a result of HIM falling off the deck at the ATO house and into a spot between the air conditioner and the deck. The fireworks were going to be shot out of another drunk frat boy’s anus (Travis Hughes), but, surprisingly failed to launch as expected and the ensuing explosion surprised Helmburg who stumbled off the deck falling three to four feet. The deck, of course, lacked the proper railing system for drunken parties/fireworks out-a-body cavity festivities.

Helmburg’s lawsuit seeks damages for pain and suffering, loss of time from the baseball team, as well as lost earning capacity and medical expenses.

And so you don’t think Mr. Hughes is the only one dumb enough to pull this stunt, we did a quick search of YouTube for “bottle rocket and anus” and found 126 results. Below is one example of why America’s young men are the dumbest bastards on the planet.

Great, another rock star incident at the Super Bowl. Looks like they’ll be going back to the super-clean “Up With People” show next year. First, a close up of a freeze from from the performance, then the clip itself.

Cops noted suspicious activity as Puncel followed a young woman in a skirt up the escalator with cell phone in hand. By standing close to her and putting the cell phone very low, he was allegedly able to get what are called “upskirt” photos or videos that show a, uh, “unique” perspective on the female anatomy. Apparently some people are fans and got to great lengths to obtain the images.

When officers approached him, Puncel allegedly tried furiously to press buttons on his phone–possibly to delete photos or images–and ended up in a scuffle with police. Not only did they find an “upskirt video” showing the young woman’s legs and buttocks, but also a sexually explicit photo of an underage girl. He’s charged with secretly recording under the clothing of another person without consent, battery on a police officer and resisting arrest.

Source: LA Times

A student swore out an assault warrant against a Gar-Field High School girls basketball coach after an incident at a game, court documents state.  Donald Gallitz is the varsity girls’ basketball coach at Gar-Field, as well as a television teacher at Forest Park, according to Forest Park principal Eric Brent.

The victim, a 17-year-old girl who plays on Gallitz’s basketball team, accused him of grabbing her bottom jaw and shaking it for about 15 seconds during a dispute over the girl’s game performance, according the victim’s citizen’s warrant filed with the Prince William County magistrate’s office.

“[He was] saying what I needed to do, [and] then let go,” the victim stated in the criminal complaint. Gallitz was charged with misdemeanor assault and battery, court documents said.

He's not even cold yet and JoePa is probably already rolling over in his grave.

Really? Is this what Penn State fans and alum really believe?

And, if you’re gonna make these shirts, at least come up with a decent design.

If you’re so inclined, you can buy it here.

Penn State officials failed to react properly to the information they received regarding Jerry Sandusky and his awful crimes. Penn State used JoePa as a scapegoat and he died of a broken heart. Penn State killed JoePa.

With love to JoePa. We are…. sorry that Penn State officials failed you.

50/50 Poly-Cotton Short Sleeve Crew Neck – Navy with White Text – SIZE SMALL (also available in M, L, XL and XXL – see other listings)

Golf Carts in Water!

It’s been a while, but long time readers know how strongly we believe in the connection between stolen golf carts and water.  For a long time there, it seemed that every time we reported on a golf cart incident, one or more of the vehicles ended up in some kind of water on the course: a pond, a stream, a river, and in one case, the country club swimming pool. Something about those electric carts that makes drivers–especially drunk ones–head straight to the largest body of water nearby. (We’ve applied for several federal grants to study this phenomena, but so far have not received any money to do so.)

So, you can understand our muted joy when we came across this story on KHOU in Houston that talks about recent vandalism at the Pecan Grove Country Club. According to police, vandals broke into a barn when the carts are stored overnight and drove as many as six of them into the club’s pond. Why “as many as six?”  Because the carts started sinking before the cops could get there and, with heavy rains in the area, it was hard to tell how many were submerged.

In addition, a number of other carts were damaged when they were driven without being disconnected from their charging units. 18 other carts and the beverage cart–oh no!–were found abandoned around the course. In total, Pecan Grove estimates the damage at $80,000-$90,000. The good news? There’s a $5000 reward being offered to anyone who provides information that leads to the arrest of the perps. Tips can be called in to the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Office at 281-341-4665 or Fort Bend County Crime Stoppers at 281-342-8477 or online at fortbend-tx-crimestoppers.org or via text message – just text “FBCCS” plus your info to 274637

Source: KHOU

Now, Yuri, a top high school cornerback prospect out of Don Bosco Prep (NJ) has reportedly been expelled from school as a result of his comments and is no longer being courted by schools like Colorado, Rutgers and even the University of Michigan. Nope, not any more. Not once those tweets came out.

The account has since been removed, but that damage appears to be done. Think he was treated fairly? Read the tweets below and decide for yourself.

Source – Gothamist

Would you like some tea with those burgers, sir?

Our long national nightmare is over.

The Alabama fan seen in a viral video with his manhood hanging out, tea-bagging a passed out LSU fan at a New Orleans eatery has turned himself in to police. Brian Downing, 32, was booked Thursday on charges of sexual battery and obscenity. For those of you who haven’t seen the video, you can check it out at DeadSpin.com here. But be warned, the last minute or so is NSFW.

Several interesting points about this incident: Downing was ultimately caught by tips generated by an Auburn message board, and his uncle is a sheriff in Russell County, AL. It was Sheriff/Uncle Andy Taylor . . . sorry, HEATH Taylor who made the connection between the video, the New Orleans police and his nephew.

But the most interesting aspect about this incident is how it confirms one of our BadJocks Basic Truths: The Perfect Stranger Rule when it comes to sports hazing. This rule is basically that hazers are often allowed to commit acts that would result in their arrest if performed on a perfect stranger, rather than on a teammate. How many tea-bagging incidents have we covered over the years that were ultimately determined to be nothing more than “horse-play”, “roughhousing” or “boys being boys?”

We wonder if Mr. Downing’s lawyer would like our assistance in showing that teabagging another man is really just a team-building exercise?

Source – ESPN

According to reports, coach Santosh Dhanraj Lalwani, 30, and two other men would charge ” . . . Rs3,000 for the ‘services’ and Lalwani used to keep Rs1,000 with him. They relied entirely on word-of-mouth publicity. Lalwani used to take the girls to hotels to meet clients. He has told us that around 10 women work with him.”

In the end, a special police task force was able to crack the case. Best part of the story? The Indian newspaper goes to great lengths to explain that Lalwani’s wife is from a wealthy family, that she has a good job at an insurance company, and had no idea her husband was running a high priced call girl ring.

Well, of course not.