Michael Vick Update: League Source Claims He Lied to NFL Commissioner Goodell - And you thought things couldn't get any worse for the Falcons troubled QB? Try this one for size: he allegedly lied to the commissioner about his involvement in illegal dogfighting, according to Jason Cole at Yahoo! Sports. According to a league source, "Where (Vick) is in the most trouble is that he lied to the commissioner. He told (Goodell) in April that he didn't know anything about this. The commissioner gave (Vick) every chance to come clean, be straight about what was going on. Instead, he just kept denying it." And will likely keep on denying it until they lock him up and throw away the key. Meanwhile the NFL has decided that it won't suspend Vick and will "allow the legal process to determine the facts" which, of course, is news to the Titan's Pacman Jones who's sitting out the entire season and hasn't been convicted of anything . . . yet. Pays to be one of the "chosen ones", don't it? (Yahoo Sports)

British Man Loses Arm Wrestling Contest to Boss's Son, Flips Out and Threatens to Stab Complete Stranger - We won't get into all of the complicated UK details (you don't know where any of these towns are anyway, do you) but suffice it to say that a British man got more than a little upset after losing an arm wrestling match to his boss's son. It happened at some kind of campground and the loser when back to his tent and pulled out a couple of knives and reportedly said to a stranger that he came upon afterwards, "Go away or I will stab you, I am a psycho." Even in the UK, that'll get you arrested. Anyone want to venture if alcohol was involved? (Preston Citizen) Thanks to Mike K. for the link!

Gary Player: Today's Pro Golfers Taking Performance Enhancing Drugs, But I Can't Tell You Who - He probably thinks he's helping, but when South African golfer Gary Player opens his mouth and says that at least one current pro told him that he takes performance enhancing drugs--like steroids--but doesn't name the golfer, it really doesn't help much, does it? It gets Players name in the papers, but doesn't do much to solve the problem of steroids in sports. I mean, at this point it, after we've heard that chess masters are doping, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. To make matters worse, Player basically just pulls a number out of his hinder and claims that 10 of the 700 professionals on the tour are juicing, but again can't name names. Heck, we might as well just say that two pro golfers told us that they do 'roids daily and frequently snort human growth hormone of the butts of naked strippers. Makes for good copy but really doesn't help anyone, does it? Either name names Gary or STFU. (Bloomberg)

Indicted! Feds Charge Falcon's QB Michael Vick With Interstate Dogfighting - This is bad boys and girls. For those of you still clinging to the "rush to judgment" and "it's like the Duke lacrosse case" arguments: these are the Feds, not some small town prosecutor running for re-election. Yeah, the Feds make mistakes now and then, but from what I have been reading about this one, they are taking their time and building a very strong case, which puts the NFL and the Falcons in an awkward position: do you suspend Vick until the trial, which could be sometime next year and let him play under a cloud all season? And it's not just the alleged dogfighting that could rile fans: according to the indictment, Vick three other defendants are alleged to have begun a fighting operation in 2001 in which dogs that lost--but not killed while fighting--were sometimes put down by less than humane methods, including electrocution, drowning, hanging, gunshots or simply being banged on the ground. We can only image the signs that will greet Vick when he and the Falcons travel this season. (Newsday)
Read the indictment for yourself at The Smoking Gun.

HS Football Player Files Lawsuit, Claims He Was Assaulted by Teammates at Camp With Air Mattress Hose, Now Feels Deflated - You know, the story doesn't say specifically WHERE the hose was placed, but knowing modern hazing techniques and teenaged boys, we have a pretty good guess . . . and it wasn't in an ear! As a result of being held down by upperclassmen at a three day football camp last summer, a student at Liberty High School in Gustine, CA has filed a civil lawsuit against school officials and three older teammates. According to a suit, three older players used the nozzle of an air mattress pump for other than its intended purpose. Maybe the 14-year-old looked a little flat? Who knows, but by the time it's all over, this little prank is likely to be an expensive lesson. Oh, and before you think this kid is just making it all up to get attention, a second football player says the same thing happened to him at the camp as well. (NBC 11)

BadJocks First: Fencing Coach Accused of Sex With Girl, 16 - Watch out wealthy parents: your kids aren't even safe from their fencing coaches! According to police, Alan Arrowsmith, 32, an instructor at Baltimore Fencing Center, is accused of having sex with a 16-year-old student of his. According to cops, Arrowsmith and the girl started having consensual sex came after the two began casually talking after classes. She claims the two then hooked up at his house, in his car and in the men's locker room at the fencing center. Arrowsmith's picture and bio have already been taken down form the BFC website, but we managed to find his picture, right. (WBAL-TV) Thanks to Chris B. for the link!

Female Coach Accused of "Inappropriate Relationship" With Girl: Asked Teen to Call Her "Mom" - A HS Coach Scandal with a slightly different twist. No, the female coach on female jock action isn't common, but it does happen from time-to-time. No, what we're talking about is stranger than that. According to police, Tracy Slemons-Maidens, 43, former girls softball coach at Laurens Central School in upstate New York, stands accused of befriending a 15-year-old girl she was coaching and ". . . giving her backrubs, cuddling her and telling her she loved her," and telling her that she ". . . wanted the girl to move into her home, use her last name and call her 'Mom.’" Slemons-Maidens was having an inappropriate relationship with a child younger than 17. (The Daily Star)

Thief Leaves NFL ID Card, Team Clothing at Scene of the Crime - It's almost become common place that criminals will leave a clue to their identity at the scene of a crime: driver's license, checkbook, and even the occasional resume. But this is the first time we can remember that someone has been nabbed because they left their NFL player ID card behind. Police in Susquehanna Township, PA claim that Mike Jemison, 24, who briefly played on the practice squads for the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Giants, broke into an apartment in an apartment complex one morning last week with two other men and held a man and woman inside the apartment at gunpoint. When they left the man alone on the balcony of the apartment, he jumped down to the ground and called police. Jemison's two accomplices were arrested at the scene, but cops were able to track Jemison when they found the ID at the crime scene. (WGAL)

Lawyer Might Sue Son's Little League After Being "Humiliated" When Female League Official Tossed His Ass Out of Park - The official with the New Tampa Little League claims she saw Fred Grady, 47 hit his son before a game and asked him to leave the field. Mr. Grady, who just happens to be a lawyer, insists that he only grabbed a water bottle out of the boy's hand in the dugout and that when league director Linda Harrell ordered him off the field she was, "very loud, boisterous and demanding," humiliating him in front of the children, coaches and some 30 parents . . . including several who were clients of his. So far, all Grady has asked for is a written apology from the league which so far has not been given and appears likely won't be. If he doesn't get one soon, it appears this "Father of the Year" candidate will consider suing the league and in emails sent to the NTLL has asked for a copy of the league's insurance policies and coverage. (The Ledger)

BadJocks Update: Ohio Democratic Officials Step Down Over Strippers at Golf Outing - In an update to a story we brought you just last week, two Lucas County Democratic Party officials, Chairman John Irish and executive director Dominic Montalto, have resigned after an outrage over a recent golf outing. It appears that several young ladies hired as hostesses for the event were actually professional strippers by night and several people saw them doing more than pouring beverages for the participants in the fundraiser at Spuyten Duyval golf course. At one point, one of them was reported to have exposed her breasts, and then her buttocks, to golfers on the course’s seventh tee. (Toledo Blade)