Yesterday’s column about the trading bloodbath in the NFL was pretty well received. (Okay, try no one actually threatened me over it, viagra so I am taking that as a positive.) Despite being months away from training camps opening, pharmacy the National Football League has found a way to capture our attention at a time when Major League Baseball thinks it should be center stage with Spring Training in full swing. (Hahahahahahaha.) But then I had a thought: What if Tuesday’s mess was a preview of the 2015 NFL Season as a whole? How is anyone going to be able to handicap games this season? View the 2015 NFL football lines here.
And what if the last big play of the Super Bowl, Pete Carroll’s inexplicable call to throw on the one yard line with arguably one of the best runners in the league in his backfield, is actually how this entire season is going to be? We already have coaches and general managers making some of the dumbest trades of all time. Players are changing teams like the Kardashians women change outfits. Seemingly healthy players are retiring, while players who should have retied years ago still want to play and are finding teams dumb enough to pay them.
I fully expect some craziness in the NFL Draft this year, with some teams refusing to draft until Roger Goodell “asks them nicely” while still others will try use all seven of their draft picks on players from the same college team, or the same position . . . like all kickers. You laugh now, but given what we’ve seen this past week, is anything off the table? And these crazy teams haven’t even played a game yet!
Yes, just wait until the games start and coaches roll out new and exotic schemes we’ve never seen before. Plays that make no sense–and shouldn’t work–gain tons of yards. Players in new positions doing things they couldn’t–and more importantly shouldn’t–do, electrifying dumbfounded crowds. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the League comes up with some kind of new scoring play that no one has ever heard of, say a Cluffle, and give teams 5 1/2 points for making one. (My guess is that it will involve a player wearing an Apple Watch using a drone . . . somehow.)
Nope, the NFL is in full fledged crazy mode this year. Trying to keep up is going to be a full time job, so if you’re going to watch the games this year you’re going to have to quit work and apply for a $100K “Football Fan Relief Grant” which I hear the league is giving out via the Department of Homeland Security. Hey, that’s just what I heard, but if I find the link I will pass it along.
Right after I sign up and get mine.