If you’re going to get into a bag ‘o’ weed eating contest with the cops, you have to know the rules.

First, if they actually SEE you shove a plastic bag full of a green, leafy substance in your mouth after say, a minor traffic stop in Pittsburgh, they will try to get it back from you.  The contest has started! Driving off and ramming one of their cars will only get them more excited and want to chase you.

Second, if they stick their fingers in your mouth in attempt to retrieve the baggie, and you resist, they will punch you in the gut, likely with one of those baton things you used to see them use on thugs in old movies. There’s an 96.8% chance you’ll cough it up at this point. Just sayin’.

Third, even if you are a linebacker for the University of Pittsburgh, likely the cops will want to arrest you once the weed is out. Struggling will only make things worse.

You can thank Pitt linebacker Carl Fleming for this little tutorial. He now stands charged two counts of aggravated assault, resisting arrest, fleeing or eluding police, drug possession, tampering with evidence and vehicular offenses. Oh, and he’s suspended from the team. Below the “Bag of Weed” song from Family Guy.

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