Professional soccer players appear to fall down when a strong breeze comes by anymore.
In this painless, Painful Sports Video, a guy from the team in the green is just minding his own business, hugging teammates after a goal when Johnny Giantfingers comes running in and pokes him right n the eye, . . . or maybe near the eye, . . . or possibly just in the general head area. Anyway, the instincts of Timmy Takesadive took over and he went right over, clutching his face as if he had been splattered with battery acid. The injury was so bad that it took a stretcher and seven paramedics to strap him in for a long trip to the fake doctor under the stands who probably gave him a Hello Kitty band-aid and a lollipop.
Again, another perfect example of why American’s hate soccer. That, and the lack of hot cheerleaders.
Without realizing it, Dallas Cowboys’ defensive back Bryan McCann may have fired the first shot in a new professional football players strike. First off though, McCann has already changed the rules about getting arrested for public intoxication. Instead of playing the “Do you know who I am?” card with the cops or getting tasered trying to drunkenly run away, McCann came out of the incident wrapping himself in the American flag and clinging to the Constitution to prove his innocence. In his statement, McCann said:
To my family, friends, coaches, teammates, and all Dallas Cowboy & SMU fans. My good name and reputation mean everything to me. I have never been arrested before and take pride in conducting myself at all times in a responsible and respectful manner off the football field. I was not intoxicated and did not pose a danger to myself or others.
I am very grateful that, due to the Constitution and Americans’ strong and enduring belief in due process, I am presumed innocent of this public intoxication charge because I am innocent. I look forward to vigorously defending myself in a court of law. I thank you for your continued support.
Now back to our original point: Can Mr. McCann be held to the NFL’s increasingly strict “personal conduct policy” if there is, at present, no collective bargaining agreement? By locking the players out, haven’t the owners severed their relationship–at least temporarily–with the players, giving them no more control over them than the average Joe on the street? So, it’s possible that in one brilliant, drunken move, Bryan McCann may have freed every player in the NFL to go hog wild in public without fear of retribution from the League? (Cops and wives likely will retain their rights to prosecute, however.)
If this little glitch in the Matrix proves to be true (and believe you, BadJocks is pulling for it as much as anyone) what do you think will happen next? Drew Brees smoking crack and hijacking a bulldozer in New Orleans? How about Tony Romo grabbing some guns and shooting up an old folks home in Dallas? Could you imagine Ben Roethlisberger getting so drunk in some college town bar that he’s accused of sexually assaulting a young woman?
Oops, wait a minute. Scratch that last one.
Yet, we can still hope can’t we? For a world were NFL players are allowed to run wild in streets and fulfill every carnal desire? Dare to dream boys, dare to dream.
Is it possible that the writers at Saturday Night Live saw this one coming when they did this video with the Colts Peyton Manning several years ago? Watch and learn.
This story has all the usual requirements of a BadJocks story: inappropriate sexting & people that are “shocked” by the allegations. What makes this one super-extra-special, is that it involves a sleepover. What’s so bad about that?
… wait for it … wait for it …
A sleepover between a 53 year old male coach, David A. Kader, & some of his high school varsity basketball players. What the deuce do teenaged boys and their coach do on sleepovers? Truth or dare? Spin the bottle?? Prank phonecalls???
A suspicious father (perhaps the slumber parties tipped him off?) found sexts from Kagel on his son’s phone (why was that mess not deleted or reported immediately?) & from there it was also discovered that good ol’ porn was watched at the sleepovers … mystery solved!
The principal’s response was the expected, “I’m shocked with the situation” and “I think he’s had a good reputation.” Note how he only “thinks” this …
A boy told detectives that Kader has made sexual comments to him on several occasions and once offered $100 for oral sex while giving the player a ride to a varsity basketball game. North Port Police also say the coach told the boy he wanted him to come over to sleep with him. The boy said the comments made him uncomfortable but that Kader never touched him.
In interviews with police, Kader denied ever asking the boy for oral sex and said he would never think of touching kids.
Another basketball player told police Kader made similar sexual comments to him. Kader admitted to seeing some boys on the basketball team watching porn on his computer in his home, according to the report.
Recently, the folks at the UK’s Daily Mail decided to do something to help promote that country’s female Olympic “water” athletes and had a dozen of them show up at a local pool to be photographed underwater . . . naked. But, of course, not the usual “Why did I post that on Facebook?” nudes. These are the kind of nude shots where young ladies either cover up their naughty bits or turn away from the camera in a way to hid the parts that usually get them in trouble. You know, all in good fun to promote various sports including swimmers, divers, water polo players and at least one member of the synchronized swimming team. The final picture (a compilation of all twelve shots melded together) appears at right. Kind of looks like an 80′s heavy metal band cover, doesn’t it? (Check out the Daily Mail for a probably Not Safe For Work larger version and one that identifies each young lady.)
Yes, everyone was pleased with the picture and the attention it drew to Britain’s struggling female Summer Olympic athletes until someone pointed out that one of their major sponsors is a government agency, The National Lottery. Apparently some citizens had a problem with the government promoting/exploiting naked athletes . . . even ones trying to preserve their modesty in an attempt to promote their sports. They called it “exploitative” as if there was any other reason that women’s beach volleyball was so popular on TV. So, of course, this is all a big mess over there . . . which means the photo will get even MORE attention that it would have if they had just kept their mouths closed.
This photograph of Britain’s Olympic water babes without their costumes has sparked criticism for what one MP claimed was the linking of funding for the country’s elite athletes with “exploitative” public relations photoshoots.
The picture features Plymothians 21-year-old Tonia Couch and 23-year-old Brooke Graddon among a dozen swimmers and divers.
But Labour’s Barbara Keeley said it was “inappropriate” for sponsors to put conditions on athletes which attached their funding to such campaigns. In the Commons yesterday, Ms Keeley (Worsley and Eccles S) said: “I understand the National Lottery requires our elite athletes to do these sort of PR photoshoots as a condition of their funding.”
There are any number of ways to rank teams participating in this year’s NCAA Men’s Championship Basketball Tournament. But how come no one ever thought to rank the teams by the most popular food purchased by drunk students at 2 am? It took the geniuses as EndlessSimmer.com to figure out not only the most popular drunk foods on all 68 campuses, but then they also went and ranked them.
One of the losers/winners is the MegaHo Burger at the University of Kentucky (pictured right.) It’s a triple-decker burger with gravy, cheese, jalapenos, mushrooms, bacon, tomato, pickle and lettuce . . . and cheese-filled tater tots on the side. Sounds so bad it would be good. Anyway, there are 67 more just like this that will probably add to your caloric intake today just by reading about them.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
It’s that very special time of year when all of America’s college students put aside their textbooks to focus on a more pressing pursuit: who is best at putting a ball through a hoop. But at Endless Simmer we’re more interested in what they’re doing after the game. So instead of spending all week filling out some silly brackets, we decided to rank all 68 NCAA tournament teams by what really is the best part of college: the greasy, cheesy, meaty, ridiculously over-the-top local foods that you would ever only consider eating if you were in college, celebrating a win, and…well, drunk as hell.
At a high class operation like BadJocks, you almost hate to report on something like this, but it is news and it is a slow bad jock sports day, so here it is. Okay, so we can’t be sure it was Tiger Woods, but he is closest to the camera when you hear it.
A video from the Tavistock Cup this week as Golf Network cameras caught Tiger’s partner teeing off . . . and someone farts. Loud enough that Woods starts to laugh after the guy’s finished swinging. The clever commentator reports on “spectator noise” but doesn’t really say much else.