Barry Bond’s Former Mistress: His Testicles Shrunk After Taking Steroids!

Box of RaisinsTalk about . . . Winning! (Apologies to Charlie Sheen.) Forget anything else that has happened or will happen during this long saga of “did Barry Bonds take steroids or not” saga: when his former mistress, Kimberly Bell testified on Tuesday that the former Home Run King’s balls shrunk to the size of raisins, best it was over.  Nothing anyone else can say will top that, or will have the same visual impact. Forget about Bonds’ head swelling, him losing his hair or getting acne. All of that pales–at least to most men–to having your nuts shrunk. And it was revealed for all the world by his former mistress who only wanted Bonds to pay for her house in Arizona.

Here’s more from the UK’s Telegrah:

Kimberly Bell, the baseball player’s former mistress, claimed Bonds became increasingly irritable with her, and repeatedly said he would “cut off my head and leave me in a ditch.” She also claimed Bonds threatened to “tear out” her breast implants.

Miss Bell also told a jury that Bonds suffered hair loss, impotence and acne. She said his testicles took on an “unusual” shape, and that the player asked her if she thought other people would notice bloating on parts of his body.