If an NFL Player Craps in the Woods, and There’ No Collective Bargaining Agreement, Does It Make a Sound?
Without realizing it, Dallas Cowboys’ defensive back Bryan McCann may have fired the first shot in a new professional football players strike. First off though, McCann has already changed the rules about getting arrested for public intoxication. Instead of playing the “Do you know who I am?” card with the cops or getting tasered trying to drunkenly run away, McCann came out of the incident wrapping himself in the American flag and clinging to the Constitution to prove his innocence. In his statement, McCann said:
To my family, friends, coaches, teammates, and all Dallas Cowboy & SMU fans. My good name and reputation mean everything to me. I have never been arrested before and take pride in conducting myself at all times in a responsible and respectful manner off the football field. I was not intoxicated and did not pose a danger to myself or others.
I am very grateful that, due to the Constitution and Americans’ strong and enduring belief in due process, I am presumed innocent of this public intoxication charge because I am innocent. I look forward to vigorously defending myself in a court of law. I thank you for your continued support.
Now back to our original point: Can Mr. McCann be held to the NFL’s increasingly strict “personal conduct policy” if there is, at present, no collective bargaining agreement? By locking the players out, haven’t the owners severed their relationship–at least temporarily–with the players, giving them no more control over them than the average Joe on the street? So, it’s possible that in one brilliant, drunken move, Bryan McCann may have freed every player in the NFL to go hog wild in public without fear of retribution from the League? (Cops and wives likely will retain their rights to prosecute, however.)
If this little glitch in the Matrix proves to be true (and believe you, BadJocks is pulling for it as much as anyone) what do you think will happen next? Drew Brees smoking crack and hijacking a bulldozer in New Orleans? How about Tony Romo grabbing some guns and shooting up an old folks home in Dallas? Could you imagine Ben Roethlisberger getting so drunk in some college town bar that he’s accused of sexually assaulting a young woman?
Oops, wait a minute. Scratch that last one.
Yet, we can still hope can’t we? For a world were NFL players are allowed to run wild in streets and fulfill every carnal desire? Dare to dream boys, dare to dream.
Is it possible that the writers at Saturday Night Live saw this one coming when they did this video with the Colts Peyton Manning several years ago? Watch and learn.