Dumbest Statement of the Year? “You’d Have to Give Someone a Pretty Big Wedgie to Put Them in a Coma!”

For those of you who missed it, last week a reader named Trevor sent me an email containing one of the most convoluted arguments in support of sports hazing we’ve ever read. As you might have guessed, we posted it and made fun of him. What else would we do with it?

Naturally, being young and stupid, Trevor decided to respond to that posting with an even dumber email that attempts to support the idea of harmless hazing by threatening me with physical violence. (Trev, old buddy, you’re doing it wrong!) It also contains what we believe future linguists will determine is the single stupidest line ever written or spoken by a human being: “. . . youd have to give someone a pretty big wedgie to put them in a coma.” This was in response to my point that hazings might start innocent enough, but then slowing get more and more out of hand. Kind of like the most recent incident at Blackfoot High School where, once again, male high school athletes are trying to welcome new members of a sports team by shoving foreign object up someone’s rear end.  We’re guessing they started with wedgies and worked their way up (or would it be down?) from there.

In the process he also committed one of three classic blunders: the most famous, of course, is never get involved in a land war in Asia, and only slightly less well-known “never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” And the third? Don’t get into an email pissing match with a guy who owns his own website.

On the plus side, we have awarded Trevor our first Double Dumbass Award for 2010. We’re sure your parents and/or special ed teachers will be so proud!

For your reading enjoyment (and pre-Christmas cheer) we present the second–and final–email from Trevor, the guy who just loves high school sports hazings and has trouble expressing himself without resorting to threats of physical violence.

Dear Bob,

Obviously you have had some bad experiences with hazing, cuz you are just being an idiot. Yeah, shoving something up someones ass is a stupid thing to do, but since you seem to be so stupid, you can shove your response up YOUR ass.  As for the whole coma thing in your response, youd have to give someone a pretty big wedgie to put them in a coma. And believe me, I’d be glad to come and try it out on you. So I don’t think you need to be filing emails from people under “dumbass”, I think you need a couple of us jocks to come over to you and and give you a couple swirlies as a wake up call. And I wasn’t trying to make hazing sound like “a good idea”. It’s just something that is not going to just be eliminated. The seniors are always gonna look at the sophomores and try to find a way to mess with them. You go out there and find a sports team that was suspended for a couple of years due to hazing and has absolutely no hazing going on. And the coaches might think nothing is going on, but it could be worse than ever. Remember, most of us jocks are teenagers, so if a team was suspended for hazing and was re-established on the sole condition there would be NO hazing, I think things are gonna happen just for the sake of rebellion. So you can just shut up, because you obviously got some major hazing when you were younger, and all I can say is I wish I had been there so I could lead all the jocks in hanging you by your tighties on a flag pole.