Don’t get me wrong: I love mustard. I love it on hot dogs, hamburgers . . . you name it. Along with it’s BFF ketchup, mustard is part of summer foods dynamic duo. What I can’t stand is that little bit of watery liquid with yellow in it that comes out when you first turn over the bottle and squeeze it. Guys, you know what I mean. That “mustard juice”, as I like to call it, has ruined more buns than I can count.
Seems to me that all summer long I’m always the first one to use the mustard bottle (with, of course, a line full of people after me waiting to use it) and invariably I get mustard juice instead of mustard. Time after time, mustard juice before mustard. And trust me, the mustard juice ain’t nearly as good as the mustard. It even comes out of the little condiment packages sometimes. How does that happen? It never happens with ketchup, but always to mustard. Sometimes I’m able to squirt the juice on the ground or on some discarded napkin nearby, but usually there’s that awkward pause where there’s no place else it can go. Maybe I’m not the first one with the mustard this time and then . . . DAMN!
So, here’s the deal: I don’t care who invents it first, French’s, the Grey Poupon people, or the guys at Joe’s Mustard Shack in Grand Rapids. Whoever invents a mustard dispenser that permanently eliminates the mustard juice will have my loyalty for life. I’ll buy it by the case and give it all my friends. I’ll endorse it here on the site every day if I have to.
But we must put an end to mustard juice once and for all! Are you with me?
We didn’t even know that high schools HAD bowling coaches, much less that one of them would have regular sex with a high school girl every “Friday and Saturday from April 13th until the beginning of June.”
Michigan State Police say 32-year-old James Bruce Valkema of Grand Rapids was arrested on Monday on a five-count warrant issued by the Kent County Sheriff’s Office. Valkema is a Spanish teacher and bowling coach at South Christian High. Investigators say Valkema has been charged with first degree criminal sexual conduct because he was in a position of authority over the fifteen-year-old girl in the case.
Documents obtained by Newschannel 3 say that Valkema had sex with the girl on multiple occasions at Volkema’s house on Franklin Street in Grand Rapids. The girl told officers it happened every Friday and Saturday from April 13th until the beginning of June. The case came to light after the student reported the sexual relationship to a summer camp counselor.
It’s time of year again friends, when college football players have WAY too much time on their hands and arrests are bars are as plentiful as Lindsay Lohan court appearances. Take Knoxville, Tennessee when a gang of football players allegedly got into a bar fight with a mere mortal and that lucky bastard, Gary Russell, nearly died–according to him–as a result of the beat down.
The real question now is whether first year coach Derek “What Did I Get Myself Into?” Dooley will suspend the entire team right now for the season, or if he’s wait until they get arrested one at a time over the next six months.
Gary Russell grew up a Tennessee fan and says he will always be a Vol. That allegiance has been tested like never before in recent days. Russell, 20, says he was attacked and beaten by a group of Tennessee football players, including sophomore defensive tackle Montori Hughes and senior receiver Denarius Moore, early last Friday morning at Bar Knoxville, a nightspot near campus. A bar-clearing brawl ensued, leading to one Tennessee player being dismissed, two others being suspended and an off-duty Knoxville Police Department officer being knocked unconscious and sent to the hospital.
“If not for my friends jumping in, I would be dead or brain-dead,” Russell told ESPN.com. “It was obvious that they weren’t going to stop.”
Russell, both of his eyes blackened and his left one swollen shut, was taken to the hospital by one of his friends and treated. He said he had a baseball-sized knot on the back of his head “where six or seven football players were punching and kicking me.”
He broke his nose, suffered bruises on his chest and required nine stitches above his left eye. His forearms were bruised from “trying to fend off kicks and punches” while he lay on the ground. “One of them was holding my head up, and they were punching me in my face while I was on the ground and stomping on my chest,” Russell said. “Finally, my friends were able to help get them off me, and the bouncers started dragging them outside.”
Blogging to the Bank 2010 just launched on Tuesday and already has the industry up in arms after revealing the REAL secrets to making massive amounts of money from blogs
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Now, Blogging to the Bank 2010 only went live Tuesday and already has sold 2,108 copies… Now there’s talks that Rob only plans on selling 2,500 before taking the site down for a while… This means there’s just 392 copies left which will likely be gone in the next 24 hours.
Deputies said that the attempted theft took place overnight Saturday at The Country Club of Spartanburg. Three gold carts were taken from an equipment storage area by someone who then tried to drive them, one at a time, across a very steep area, deputies said.
Deputies said the first golf cart taken became stuck against a tree on the side of a ravine. The second golf cart was found tipped over on its side on the opposite side of the ravine, with the third overturned nearby.
Investigators said they found empty beer cans and a cigarette butt near the golf carts.
We’re not sure what this guy was trying to do before the final match Sunday between Spain and the Netherlands/ Looks to me like he was trying to put an orange knit cap over the top of the trophy. Unfortunately for him, a fast-moving security guard caught him just before he could get there. BAMM! Right to the face! Maybe this guy should fight in an MMA match?