We like the way this article starts off:
A physical education teacher at Trinity High School in north St. Louis County was accused yesterday of giving one of her students an extra workout — so to speak — in her parked car.
Wow! Talk about being subtle with your lead. Sounds like something we would write. Anyway, once you read this story you begin to see that this is typical of many stories we cover here at at The Dumbass Daily: female teachers who just can’t find anyone over the age of consent to have sex with. This time it’s a lady gym teacher from St. Louis County in Missouri.
St. Louis County Prosecutor’s Office yesterday charged 26-year-old Kellie Ryan of Maryland Heights with second-degree statutory rape and two counts of statutory sodomy. Authorities say Ryan fostered a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old male student that lasted from November of last year through this past April. Ryan allegedly carried on the relationship inside her car while parked off school property.
Source – Riverfront Times
As usual, we’re not surprised to learn that someone has stolen money from a youth sports league. What surprises us is the amount people like these two former officers of the Boone County Youth Football league were able to make off with without anyone noticing: $18,000. Admittedly, not as much as some of the embezzlement stories reported, but still quite a bit of cash for the folks in Lebanon, Indiana. And what did these two idiots spend the money on? Trips to Vegas or sports cars and hot chicks? Nope. Household expenses, according to police.
Damned economy. Here’s more from the Indianapolis Star:
Chris Shockley, 39, and Adam Roberts, 35, were charged with three felony counts of theft in a warrant issued Friday in Boone Superior Court, police said. Police said the charges are the result of a two-month investigation into money discovered missing when new officers were elected to the organization. After examining the group’s financial records, the football league board contacted the Lebanon Police Department. Investigators believe the men used the money primarily for household expenses, police said.
Ah, those dreaded hickeys are always a dead give away . . . especially when you’re a 15-year-old girl dating your 23-year-old track coach. Dude couldn’t even spring for a motel room: she had to leave her window open so he could slip into her bedroom after midnight and make-out with her.
At right, the mug shot picture of Mr. Romance, Allen J. Morris.
While helping coach the Orfordville Parkview High School track team, Allen J. Morris is suspected of talking with a team member on Facebook. The 23-year-old man is accused of developing the Facebook friendship into a relationship, eventually meeting the 15-year-old girl at Footville Park and at her home.
They are suspected of kissing at the park, kissing near the school’s choir room and later having sexual contact when Morris sneaked into her bedroom after a track meet. According to the criminal complaint:
Morris and the girl began their relationship in March, and it lasted three to four weeks. After a track meet in April, the girl invited Morris to come over to her house. She left her bedroom window open, and Morris came in between midnight and 2 a.m. The girl’s family was home sleeping.
The two watched a movie on the girl’s bed and kissed. Morris gave the girl hickeys on her neck. The sexual contact then progressed. The girl’s mother saw the hickeys, but the girl told her mom they were from a boy on the track team.
Source – Gazette Extra