Okay, so they aren’t members of Mensa, but you’d think that student-athletes at Washington Community High School in Illinois would have heard of a “warrant.” You know, that document the cops get from a judge that allow them to come into your house? It’s especially useful when the cops show up at a house where high school students are allegedly drinking and they are–we’re not making this up!–taunted by the teens inside that they can’t come in. Boy, the cops love that! Here’s more from the PJ Star:

Washington Police Chief Jim Kuchenbecker said two of the 15 teens were charged with patronizing a disorderly house but not illegal consumption because tests determined they had not been drinking. “Our officers’ actions may have averted a tragedy,” Kuchenbecker said. Police went to the home after an anonymous tip was received on the Illinois State Police Drunk Stopper Hotline shortly after 10:30 p.m. The homeowners were out of town on family business and could not be reached by police.

Kuchenbecker said police saw several teens inside the home with beer and other liquor. “After the officers announced their presence, the teens scurried to clean up the party, but they didn’t answer the door or home phone,” he said.

Kuchenbecker said several teens “heckled and taunted” officers, telling them they couldn’t do anything because they couldn’t get inside the home. Teens turned off the lights inside the home. After officers announced they intended to get a search warrant for the home, Kuchenbecker said, the teens didn’t respond. Officers forcibly entered the home shortly after midnight. Two females hiding in a locked bathroom refused to open the door for officers, Kuchenbecker said, so officers forced the door open.

Wow! An impressive effort by a freshman, but still not enough to crack the Top Twenty of the World Famous BadJocks BAC Rankings. Unfortunately for Iowa basketball player Anthony “I Drank How Much?” Tucker, his coach local cops are not as impressed as we are with his drinking prowess: he’s been charged with public intoxication by Iowa City police and suspended by the university. Here’s more from the WCF Courier:

According to a complaint filed in Johnson County District Court, Tucker was found unconscious in an alley behind a downtown Iowa City bar and later registered a blood-alcohol content level of .194, more than twice the legal limit in Iowa. Police reports show that officers were called to an alley behind the Union Bar at 1:10 a.m. Sunday to assist an individual in need of medical attention.
With temperatures hovering around 10 degrees, the report indicated that Tucker was found passed out in the alley and that officers were unable to wake him. He was transported to University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics where he was treated and released after the blood-alcohol test was given.

Dude! High school wrestling coaches apparently don’t make a lot of money. At least, not as much as drug dealers. Here’s more from Greeley Tribune:

An assistant wrestling coach at Greeley West High School is out on $25,000 bond today after his arrest when police found 1,300 live marijuana plants growing on his property in Larimer County.

The arrest of Arnold Martinez, 51, is part of a million-dollar marijuana operation in Larimer County, according to sheriff’s deputies. Two other men were arrested last month, and deputies said the operation could have brought in more than $3 million.

Martinez was hired as an assistant coach by School District Six in 2006 although he has a criminal record. He was convicted of felony possession of marijuana in 1994. District officials said they knew of his previous conviction and was only hired after an “extensive review and interview.”